I've noticed that most people come at life with suspicion
and an expectation of what will go wrong.
We "prepare for the worst" and "listen to our gut"
to weed out any "red flags."
This propensity to go towards the negative really doesn't
serve us so well...though it may well have back when we were living in caves
and looking not to be eaten by wild beasts.
I myself have spent the majority of my life as a
self-proclaimed pessimist, using the excuse that if I expect things to go
badly, at least I can't be surprised except in the case where things go quite
well, and then am surprised in a most pleasant way. Doesn't that make sense? In our ego-filled, avoid-pain-at-all-costs
mentality, it sure does.
However, these last few years, I've been slowly moving the
needle in the other direction, moving towards not only a less negative view,
but actually embracing possibility and potential! Dare I say, I've begun to expect AMAZING
things to happen? And have started
appreciating the lessons learned when things don't go as planned or as hoped?
Aside from my own disbelief and failure to recognize myself
these days, I am enjoying this rewiring of my brain that I've been
undergoing. It's really quite a lot more
fun and gratifying, and it feels good, darn it!
So now, I've shifted from red flags to green. Instead of looking for warnings and signs of
danger, I am not only looking for but FINDING many signs of possibility and
feeling gut feelings that lead me towards the good and the nurturing and the
positive.
Here's an example.
I'm going to back up a little and share a sad story. My dear Dad, Bert, passed away a year and a
half ago, just four days shy of his 90th birthday. At his memorial service, we told funny
stories and shared about his life. And
one of the musical pieces we played was Louis Armstrong's "Wonderful
World." Dad really loved Armstrong,
and he really loved that song.
Since then, that song has come to be a "green
flag" for me, signaling Dad watching over me and guiding in me in the
right direction or in some cases, pushing me towards something I am not 100% on
board with.
Only days after his memorial service, my sister and I went
to dinner. Our relationship had been
rocky and iffy for a while, and it was a slightly awkward meal. As we left the restaurant and walked to our
separate cars, we gave a wooden hug to one another. I turned to walk towards my parking space,
and heard a faint piece of music. It
seemed it might be coming from another person's car, but I looked around and
couldn't find the source. Could it be
coming from the gas station across the street?
No, it felt closer. And wait, I
recognize that song! It's
"Wonderful World" and it's Louis singing it! What???
As I opened my car door and started to slide inside the
driver's seat, the sound seemed to follow me.
I then realized my iPod was still in my purse. I had downloaded the song to be used at the
memorial service. Now, my iPod was off,
OK? But somehow, it had come on and to
that exact song. Sure, maybe I nudged it
in my purse somehow, maybe during that stilted hug. But of all the hundreds of songs? I texted my sister right away (she hadn't
pulled out of her space yet). I shared
what had happened, and we both agreed Dad was reaching out to us.
OK, let's first get something straight. I do not go for "signs" and don't
really believe in spirits or angels. I'm
kind of scientific and agnostic and all that.
But I had to admit, this felt like...well, a sign. Dad wanted us to make the effort to repair
our relationship, and it felt like he was applauding our effort.
So, perhaps that was all random and pure chance. I can actually resonate with that
explanation.
But then, so how do you explain that when I went to see my
daughter last weekend to say goodbye, I had another sign? My daughter and I have really had a rocky
road, and since Dad passed, we have barely spoken. That story is not a story for today, but
suffice to say, our meeting was also quite awkward (for me, anyway). We went to lunch at a Thai restaurant in
downtown Richmond ,
and as we sat waiting for our food, side by side at a counter looking towards
the street, in an almost parallel-play type of set-up, I heard the canned
music. Usually, it's Thai music right? Or whatever ethnicity the restaurant you're
dining at is. This was covers of songs,
and it sounded a lot like Rod Stewart.
And he was singing...you guessed it.
"Wonderful World." Not
once, but twice (was the music on a shuffle and looping back? Did my daughter and I need a second smack in
the head?)
So now I was thinking, boy Dad really wants me to make
bridges here. And I want that too, of
course. But the coincidence (or not) of
this song appearing again (twice!) was notable.
OK, so maybe you're thinking this is sort of odd. And if it is Dad, maybe he nudges me to fix
family relations only. But nope.
As I disembarked from my plane in Portland , wondering if I'd made a huge
mistake, but mostly excited if exhausted, lugging my poor kitty in his carrier
with my aching shoulder, in search of the baggage claim area and the car rental
kiosk, I heard a grand piano playing.
Sure enough, the Portland
Airport
You already know the punchline, right? That happy, cheesy piano player was playing
none other than Dad's song, and I literally KNEW Dad was saying, "go for
it, kid." He approved of my
adventure and the risk I was taking, and he was letting me know he was there to
watch out for me. I looked over my
shoulder (where I've envisioned him smiling at me) and whispered, "thanks
Dad."
:-) :-) :-)
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