In my last post, I talked about "dating" friends, a concept that was new to me when I arrived alone in a new state, knowing absolutely no one. Since then, I have found that it is what I am constantly doing here with friends met on hikes, in yoga class, or neighbors two doors down. Phew! It's exhausting! In fact, I have two dates today with two new friends, one to get our nails done, and one to do some hiking in the late afternoon. (Man, I hope I don't mess up my nails.)
Before I started blogging, a friend back in Virginia told me about her friend who was packing up all her stuff and relocating, every year! She called this "dating cities."
I thought it would be an interesting exercise to see if some of the same rules of the game applied in dating cities as did with dating friends. You may recall (if you read it) that in my last post, I talked about meeting friends at bars, meeting them doing activities we shared a passion for, and meeting online.
Well, most of that does not work AT ALL in this scenario! I definitely did not meet the town of Eugene in a bar! Though I will say, there are no shortage of bars in this town. Not only is it a college town (go Ducks!), but there are a ridiculous amount of breweries and wineries in and about town, and in fact when I researched Eugene, one of the things it's known for is its craft beers.
As for doing shared activities, well, while I cannot personify Eugene and say we enjoy some of the same things, I CAN say that in my research, I learned that Eugene is also known for jogging, for its amazing hiking and biking and walking paths, and in general, outdoorsy and health-conscious stuff, including a long list of gluten free and/or vegan eating establishments. In fact, I'm headed to one right now! This, I did find to be a "common" value we both shared, and was one of the positive attributes that helped in my decision to come here.
And finally, the online portion. I guess if there's anything similar between finding friends or mates, and finding a home town, the online portion would be it. While there are no apps I'm aware of for finding your perfect match city-wise, there is the internet. And believe me, I really researched Eugene before I picked it as a potential mate, if you will.
For those who are not familiar with the story, I didn't randomly stick a pin in a map and come up with Eugene, Oregon as my next address. Through a confluence of events, I found myself at a crossroads and a decision point. Deciding to move out of state to somewhere where I knew zero people was a big decision. But not 100% random.
My sister lives in Corvallis, about an hour north of Eugene, and I had been out to visit a couple of times. I thought it was a pretty state, at least what I'd seen of it. And having a family member nearby gave me a starting point. I knew, though, that I didn't want to select Corvallis. It didn't "get me."
So, I started my research. If you've ever online dated, you can set parameters (age range, distance away that you're willing to travel, kids vs. no kids, cats vs. dogs, etc.). You can also list your "must haves." Must be over 6 feet tall; must not smoke; must be into Lord of the Rings. That kind of thing. My "must haves" included having a Unitarian Universalist congregation, a population large enough to support my business, a lifestyle that suited me (as mentioned above), a Toastmaster's club, a Chamber of Commerce, access to gyms and yoga, and affordable housing.
I was able to then narrow it down to a few cities, and Eugene really met my criteria. I looked into each of those aspects, and read articles that had been written on the town's amenities (which is how I came to learn about its notoriety in the brewing and jogging departments). I started developing a plan, contacted various organizations saying I was coming to town, and began my "love connection."
I waited with anticipation for responses to my queries (similar to, I suppose, waiting to see if a guy emails you back or "winks" at you, which is how it's done in online dating). I began to get excited about my new potential partner (home, that is), and took a leap of faith by booking my flight and making the necessary arrangements.
I've been here 3 months now. People keep asking me if I just "love" Eugene. People, listen. Sometimes there's that crazy-about-you, head-over-heels feeling when you start a new relationship. But I'm more mature now. Love is a slow burning ember, an evolution of deep intimacy and respect. I like Eugene a lot. I like how I spend my time with Eugene. I see potential in this relationship. But 3 months isn't long enough to know if it's love or not. I'll keep you posted.
